Elevating Student Writing: Using Real World Models

Pre-assessment is important in order to see where student weaknesses and strengths occur in writing. Addressing weaknesses by studying what professional writers do models better writing techniques for students. I like how the teacher in this chapter uses food and a restaurant review to help students elevate their writing and then moves onto movie reviews. These are subjects that kids know all about so they will find something they will be able to express in writing.

I am not alone in thinking the introduction is the toughest part of writing. So many students struggle with it so providing them with good examples of strong introductions to dissect in professional pieces is a good strategy. Taking the students to the next writing level by using a persuasive piece and the yes/no graphic organizer is a great transition out of the reviews writing and lets them see how an author develops an argument. It is similar to de-outlining.

I still don't know if I like the idea of peer review of writing. When we did it in this class I felt like I didn't know enough to judge someone else's writing. I do like that this teacher has the students do it anonymously.

I agree that it is important for students to internalize what good writers do, but more importantly, they need to be able to analyze the text. In the real world we aren't asked to write about everything we read, in fact we aren't asked to do much writing at all. However, we should be able to make informed judgements about what we read and the media we view. Our students will be bombarded with so much information that they need to know the best way to understand it and draw their own conclusions from it.

Cops and Criminals

The day started off as any other day when I went to work. It was a cold, dark, and sleepy winter morning. I was always running late, rushing out the door forgetting my case files, and gulping down my breakfast, which consisted of coffee and a heavily buttered bagel. Then I would sit in traffic on the LIE on the way into New York City and curse the cars, in front of me, that wouldn't get out of my way so I could go fight crime. I was a detective solving narcotics cases at the 18th precinct on the lower west side for the past 16 years. I mostly worked on cases busting big time drug pushers. Dangerous work, but someone needed to do it. The only problem was I was done doing it and ready for a change.

I had four years left until I retired so I wanted to take my career in a different direction and work towards becoming a child psychologist. I realized a transfer to Special Victims Unit (SVU) would help me get a foot in. Since the politics at the 18th were getting in the way of doing actual police work, I put in my transfer, much to my boss' dismay, and headed further up town to Harlem, 125th Street, SVU. I left behind my old neighborhood and headed for the department that solves crimes kids are involved in as either the victim or the perpetrator.

The new precinct was cleaner and much nicer than my old precinct. The office was like a real office, professional and everything was in order. It had a lush carpet, central air-conditioning, office supplies, neat desks and fresh air blowing through the vents. There were computers and printers as well. Compared to my office on the lower west side, which was run down and grey, this was a nice environment conducive to working.

The dread that began to fill me at the 18th subsided when I finally committed to changing precincts. The challenge I immediately faced, was being attracted to my boss, Sergeant Lance. He was tall, dark and looked like he didn't play by the rules. A total bad ass. I was completely mesmerized by his piercing dark green eyes and rough-around-the-edges exterior. Despite all of this, I managed to keep my composure and did not give myself away, but for a first meeting my feelings surprised me. I am not the head over heels type of woman, so I vowed I would talk myself out of this instant attraction.

The last thing I would want to do is hurt my impeccable reputation. When you mostly work with men it's easy to get messed up by being attracted to the wrong guy. When that happens the gossiping that takes place is unrelenting, that it's so not worth acting on desires. On top of that, if any of the other guys had a clue the unmerciful teasing I would have to endure, would be unbearable at best. This was one of those times where I had to suppress any undeniable feelings I felt welling up inside of me. I ended up spending my first few months at SVU avoiding my boss, so I could concentrate on my work rather than be distracted by him.

The first few cases I had solved were easy as my new boss wanted to ease me into SVU. I thought, "Not so bad ass after all." I quickly found out that many of the kids reporting crimes are fibbers and most of them are afraid they will get into trouble with their parents for staying out too late or sleeping around so they create stories that don't hold up. Sifting through all of the crap is such a waste of time and so annoying because there are actually kids who are suffering and need help. There should be a sentence for lying to get out of being punished.

After I had been at SVU for a few months, one scorching summer day, when I'd rather be at the beach basking in the sun drinking cranberry and vodka cocktails, I received a call where the children were telling the truth about their twisted circumstances. Their situation caused emotions in me that I never thought I had. It was one of the most disturbing cases I ever worked on and the shock of hearing what happened to these children was the only reason I didn't have a complete melt down. By the time my partner and I picked up and interviewed the perpetrator I was an emotional wreck inside. Death by torture would have been too good of a punishment for this excuse of a man.

The children were siblings who were given away by their mom and tortured by their captor. The girl, Skye, was 16 and her brother, Peter was 14 at the time their neighbor called the police to report an incident where he saw, who he thought was the boy's father, put his head in a bucket of water until he passed out while he made his sister watch. The neighbor happened to be fixing his leaky roof and witnessed the sick man hurt this boy, while Skye had to stand by and do nothing.

When I interviewed Skye and Peter, the bucket incident was the least of their torture. Skye had to deal with much worse and suffer in silence because she feared her captor would kill Peter if she told anybody anything. The girl had two children by this creep, who were sold to families willing to adopt them. Skye and Peter were so traumatized that their lack of emotion when describing their horrible lives made it all seem worse than it already was. The tales of beatings that went on for years were so gut-wrenching to hear, it was inconceivable that they survived at all. It was also very disconcerting that no one else in their neighborhood noticed these kids were so mistreated for so long.

My sergeant was listening and watching me interview these kids through the two-way glass. When he got a hold of the perpetrator he knocked a few of the sleaze's teeth out and broke his nose. If I didn't intervene he would have hurt him more, which I really didn't care about, I just didn't want the case to be tainted. This sicko got way with enough already. That was the first time he got caught and a witness picked him out of a line up. He was going down.

The violence that Skye and Peter had endured for most of their lives would cause me to have nightmares for a long time after the case ended. Their resilience was amazing and truly admirable as they had remained close through this entire ordeal. They looked out for each other and were slowly healing while they created a new life for themselves. The horror of this case caused me to re-evaluate my own life and I decided what I really desired.

These kids' circumstances gave me a new perspective and my focus had shifted from my sergeant to me. I knew it would be foolish to pursue feelings that I wasn't even sure about for a man who was my boss. There was very little upside that I could see in that scenario. He may not be interested and then the awkwardness would be ridiculous or we would have to hide our relationship until we were discovered. The downside was that it could ruin me professionally at SVU, he would survive it, the men always do; but I wouldn't be able to recover. I decided that what was important to me was to complete my degree in Child Psychology, while at SVU. When I retire at 40 I will come out ahead of the game and with the ability to really help heal children in need.

On-Demand Writing

Let's face it, on-demand writing is difficult, even for proficient writers. I always feel like I am handing in a draft that still needs work, rather than a good, final version. I have to admit, that it is on a rare occasion, that I have been asked to produce on-demand writing, so it seems like past high school, unless you become a teacher, it's not a necessity. Then why is there such an emphasis on it in the high school classroom? For testing purposes. When you interview to become a teacher or take teacher certification exams, I am told, on-demand writing is also required.

That being said, teachers should have their students practice on-demand writing so they can feel confident to perform well on their tests. The more practice they have, the less test anxiety they will have. I had difficulty writing the critical lens, even though it wasn't an on-demand task, because I never had to complete one in high school. Without practice and with very little on-demand writing required as an adult, it took me longer to complete than I thought it should have because it is designed to be an on-demand task.

I can understand why students fret this part of an exam and have trouble coming up with a cogent argument off the cuff. I think on-demand writing holds too much weight considering my job experience and lack of on-demand writing required, aside from emails. I think it would be better to test students on how they write by giving them an independent assignment that has a deadline giving them a chance to work on it or procrastinate until the last minute. Either way, I think that is truly a better way to assess writing.

Critical Lens

The Quote "Good literature substitutes for an experience which we have not ourselves lived through" by Alex Solzhenitsyn is accurate because the reader gains insight into characters’ lives without actually going through the same experiences; while acquiring knowledge. Good literature transports the reader to a place and time in a story where a character’s experience allows the reader to empathize and understand without having to go through the same situation.

The “Good literature substitutes for an experience” that Solzhenitsyn is talking about can be brought to literature from a protagonist, antagonist or minor character’s perspective. Any of the characters’ experiences may touch the reader enough to make the experience a shared one and not just something that occurs in a book. The reader gains the wisdom of having gone through the experience without ever having lived through it.

In Azar Nafisi’s Teaching Lolita in Tehran: a Memoir in Books, the author writes about her experiences, after expulsion from The University of Tehran for refusing to wear a veil, and the experiences of seven female students. She held literature classes in her home from 1995 to 1997 and they were an open forum for students to discuss the social and political problems of Iran. This memoir contains the universal themes of morality and freedom and focuses on the time that Narfisi and her class discussed different works of literature;  including Lolita  by Nabakov.


Nafisi gives the reader a depiction of what life is like in Iran for women, while connecting Lolita's character to the deterioration of their freedom under Islamic rule. Nafisi's class examinies Humphert's cruelty and justifications for treating Lolita like an object; and compares that to the harsh treatment they have experienced by the unjust Islamic regime. Nafisi succeeds in getting her class to relate to the protagonist, Lolita and the antagonist, Humphert,  while providing the reader with an understanding of what it is like to walk in the shoes of these women who feel suffocated by the imbalance of power men have over them. The reader doesn't have to be a victim of injustices like the Iranian women in this memoir, yet their experiences will invade the reader's mind and cause reactions in the reader as if the experience was a shared one.   The reader connects with the female experiences of subjugation, cruelty and perseverance under Islamic Rule through Nafisi's words and gains wisdom about the situation without living through it. The literature substitutes for the experience because the experience of these Iranian women is felt by the reader, who has never been in this unfortunate predicament, through the perspective of its characters.

In Renee Watson’s What Momma Left Me, the author writes about a 12 year old girl, Serenity, who lives in Portland and loses both of her parents because her daddy kills her momma and runs away. She is afraid of becoming just like her momma and making the same bad choices. She sees her brother, Danny, making the wrong decisions and decides he is like her dad. This piece of fiction contains conflicts concerning identity, good verses evil and the controversial subject of domestic abuse. The underlying theme is about hope and resilience. Even if the reader hasn't experienced domestic violence, lessons about it can be vicariously derived from the text creating a substitute experience. The novel contains the experiences of the protagonist, Serenity, and the other characters so the reader gains insight of having gone through the situation without ever having lived through it. The literature is a substitute for an experience because it bridges the reader's thoughts to the character's emotions.

Alex Solzhenitsyn's quote, "Good literature substitutes for an experience which we have not ourselves lived through" is true as readers haven’t had the same experiences in their lives as the characters in literature and they can vicariously live through them without actually having them.  Azar Nafisi describes a harsh existence for women in Teaching Lolita in Tehran: a Memoir in Books and Renee Watson depicts a life that could go down the wrong road or persevere up the right one in What Momma Left Me.  The reader may not have the same experiences, however, these pieces of literature help the reader feel and experience unknown situations and what it is like to overcome them. Therefore, it is possible for the reader to gain wisdom through literature through the substitute experience.

10 Point Scoring Rubric

Critical Lens

Quality	Mastery	Progressing
Meaning	-provide an interpretation of the "critical lens" that is faithful to the complexity of the statement and clearly establishes the criteria for analysis -Analyzes more than summarizes -make insightful connections between the criteria for analysis and the chosen texts	-Conveys aconfused or simple understanding of the "critical lens"  -Summarizes more than analyzes -Makes unclear or incorrect connections between information and ideas
Development	-develop ideas clearly and fully -makes effective use of appropriate literary elements and techniques in both texts	-uses superficial or too few examples from the texts -does not make effective use of appropriate literary elements and techniques in both texts
Organization	-maintains a clear and appropriate focus established by the critical lens -exhibits a logical and coherent structure through effective use of appropriate devices and transitions	-sometimes unclear or its focus is inappropriate as established by the critical lens -contains some inconsistencies or irrelevancies
Language Use	-uses appropriate language -vary structure and length of sentences to control pacing	-relies on basic vocabulary -reveals little awareness of how to use sentence structure effectively
Conventions	-demonstrates control of the conventions grammar, spelling and punctuation	-demonstrates partial control of grammar, spelling and punctuation

Total:_______